Just so full of self loathing

Got to thinking today about how awful my life is...(it's actually been a very re-occurring thought) I pout about how I have to live at home, how horrible corona is, how I am stuck with all this time,and I'm starting to have these weird night heart palpitations that are starting to freak me out.

The point I've come to is that i am so ungrateful. I don't need to point out to anyone the positives that i obviously missed when i was complaining about my convenient perfect life.

I want...i need to be more aware of the pain others have. I need to stop focusing on me and my "woes" and really get over myself and be a blessing to others.

Forgive me Father for I have sinned.

Friends

This is inspired by my two man friends Cory Johnson and David Sittig. They have always looked out for me and protected me from shady characters. I am so grateful for friends like them.

Wooden boy

I decided im going to start telling the stories of my art

pieces. Starting with this guy.

I did this piece on a wooden oval block I got from Michael's. He's my little Pinocchio. With his sweet face he can look you straight in the eye and lie to you. With his arms crossed he wont open up. His fiction is better then reality, reality has consequences.

I think we can all relate. In our own ways we hide from things. Whether it be confrontations, our emotions, collection agencies, the fear of failure there's this stubborn little boy who just seems to proud to admit he might actually need help.

My make believe house

I couldn't find a kitchen or a living room i loved enough....

This would be my Wes Anderson room (and by that I mean he would live there)

Focus or something like it

Awkward jessica

Over the years i've prided myself in not having cried in front of very many people and it seems that in the last year it's all caught up to me. Not only have i cried in front of lovely friends of mine but i've cried in public...the park, fridays,flame broiler etc. Not only have i cried in front of friends in public places but they've been primarily guy friends and i can only imagine the server thinking "o great he's breaking up with her and i have to serve them while she loses it."

In the end all my man friends i've cried in front of have been gracious, loving and full of comfort. So for that thank you amazing man friends.

quality time

My dad and i both have a passion for God and His great creation. It's nice to spend sometime and have a heart to heart with the wisest man i know .

Winsomelosesome

So recently I started an etsy account and here are a few shots my talented little brother took.

On prayer

I've been reading this book by Oswald Chambers "if you will ask" which has really opened my eyes to how i pray.

I normally start with asking. I believe i sound like a child always wanting for more like nothing is ever good enough never taking the time to truly thank Him but rushing through it so i can get to the part where i ask for more.

Despite my selfish mentality He is faithful. I haven't fully grasped all that I need to in this area but it's nice to know im growing. A new chapter is opened in my relationship with Jesus.Im excited.

"The basis of prayer is not what it cost us, but what it cost God to enable us to pray."

-Oswald Chambers

After last nights message at Generate I was convicted heavily on my own actions. I struggle with fully committing. I enter into things with the best intentions hopeful and zealous to "change the world" a little while into it my zeal dies. I start to question if im actually making a difference or if im needed in this campaign for peoples hearts. I start to become inward dwelling worrying about the uncomfortableness that comes with a commitment. I slowly back away hoping no one notices and i can go back to living my mediocre life that i am so comfortable with. Remaining blind to the bigger problems in this world.

James 2:18 "But some will say ' you have faith; I have deeds.' Show me your faith without deeds, and I will show you my faith by what I do."

I need to live more selflessly

Change

I love how we get to meet theses amazing people that just seem to do nothing but build you up. It's like they know what you're weak at and want to make you stronger, want to encourage you to do more... to grow more... to be more. I am so blessed to know more then one of these people they are family they pray for me, give me words of wisdom, and encourage me in truth. For some of these people i am separated by state and others by country. I am amazing by how we have all been brought together. How much my life has been changed just by a simple encounter. I am left to think who am i going to encourage to grow, to change, to become a person of action ?

I am so pumped on this adventure that God has graced me to live. Elizabeth Burkhard told me to remember that sometimes you have to leave the forest to see the trees.

Get stoked

Colossians 1:29 To this end I labor struggling with all of HIS energy,which so powerfully works in me.

Original pancake house adventure

Today we went to my families favorite breakfast place

with Esther

the birthday girl my sister

(Susie)and Natalie her sister. Our family

has a long weird history together. Its

encouraging to know that no matter

how many years go by we still maintain

a closeness. This was their first time so it was full of excitement.